he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
