All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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