I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
