I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
