how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
