umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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