I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
