So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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