im drinking this country out of the recession.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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