I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
