So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
