we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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