Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
