Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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