Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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