Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will be naked everywhere
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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