He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
