I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
