i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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