Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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