Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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