i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
