WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
