I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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