apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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