as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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