My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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