I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
