you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would ride that face into the sunset
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