You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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