My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
