I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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