I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can't special order awesome
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
