Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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