nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
