My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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