Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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