I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.