there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.