I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods