I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
