I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?