I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.