Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's blow job season.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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