I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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