Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
