yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
