college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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