I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
