she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
