sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
