this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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