Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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