I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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