found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
