turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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