Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
