He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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