he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We need to get me chipped asap
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
