...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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