Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
