dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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