something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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