She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
