speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
false alarm, still single
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