Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
