my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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