Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
