Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
