Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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