I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
