no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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